Does anyone else find that when you have to wake up super early you can never sleep? Its like even if you are super tired and go to bed at a reasonable time and the rain outside is making a nice hum (almost like a lullaby) so you expect you're going to fall asleep like a baby (even though when I was a baby I detested sleep, so I don't know if that's the best example.. but you get what I'm saying), as soon as that alarm is set for 05:30 your body just wakes up. Not just your body but your mind wakes up too.. It acts as if you haven't used your brain ALL day (which of course I have... well maybe), it's like every tiny issue going on in my life needs to be pondered at 11 o'clock in the pm! Then to add to matters the rain has stopped and all you can hear is a loud obnoxious dripping noise on your roof and no matter how many pillows you pile on your head to drown out the noise you can still hear that drip.. drip.. DRIP... You toss and turn, wiggle and grunt, until finally you let out a giant exasperated sigh and just give up all hope of going to sleep, so you just end up scrolling instagram and entertainment sites until you look at your clock and it's 5am! Then you end up falling asleep and snoozing right through your alarm and waking up with 15 minutes to spare.. then you have to haul ass to try make yourself decent and presentable for work.. and once you get to work and have to converse with people you realize how grumpy you are and how much you despise life for you through this!
BUT on the other hand its a really beautiful day and you got to watch the sunrise... so all is right with the world again.
I'm the type of person that has amazingly big dreams for myself. Big dreams that I'm not prepared to work for. Its like when I was born I was gifted with the most imaginative mind and cursed with the laziest personality. I sit and I think up all these incredible and exciting futures for myself but that's all I do.. I sit, and then I wonder why things aren't happening the way I'd planned. I'm hugely indecisive and a massive procrastinator, so trying to get anything done feels like an impossible task. I go through these phases of wanting to get my life together and writing goals down and then writing lists of what I need to achieve those goals, but by the time I've finished writing all of this I'm exhausted and convince myself I need a well deserved break. I feel like as the days, months and years go by my life is slowly being wasted, it stresses me out.. I know that I have so much more potential then what my life is now. So the current argument I'm having with myself is do I take a stand? Do I take control of my life? Make it a life worthy of being proud of? Or do I take the easy route, do I continue to sit and hope that something amazing is going to just fall into my lap? You'd think the answer would be simple... And it is. Lets see if I can be who I've wanted to be my whole life. Not just a dreamer, but an Achiever.